Shakespearean Fight
by Reiya Wakayama
Summary: AU, A/M, slash, In which Shakespearean insults are involved.


**Title: **Shakespearean Fight

**Disclaimer: **Merlin is owned by the BBC and other associated parties. I do not make any profit from this story and the plot is purely fiction.

**Summary: **AU, A/M, slash, In which Shakespearean insults are involved.

**Rating: **PG

**Warnings: **crack, grumpiness, fork sword fight, Shakespeare, pancakes, fluff, kissing, AU

**Pairings/Characters: **Arthur Pendragon/Merlin, Arthur Pendragon, Merlin

**Word Count: **676

**Author's Note: **So, wolfangeldeath and reiya_wakayama got together on live chat and started a conversation, along came happyevraftr and we somehow ended up on Shakespeare. After comparing mutual loves for Shakespeare and his most colorful vocabulary, we started talking about favorite insults. This in turn led to a long discussion about Merlin and Arthur insulting each other in the Bard's words. wolfangeldeath and reiya_wakayama both volunteered to write it and one trip to Gdoc later, this story was born. The End. Anymore questions?

xXx

Merlin stared groggily at Arthur.

"My pancake."

"What?" Arthur asked.

"I said that it's _my pancake_, you banbury cheese."

Oh god, they were losing it. Maybe they'd stayed up just a _bit _too long studying for their Shakespeare test today.

"You, minion, are too saucy." Arthur kept his fork pressed to the plate, spearing the pancake.

"The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes," Merlin said, going right for the looks. Nothing got on Arthur's nerves like insulting his looks.

"Merlin, thy name is woman," Arthur sneered, tugging lightly at his fork.

"Die a beggar! You are like the toad, ugly and venomous!" Merlin glared back tugging his fork in the opposite direction.

"You tread upon my patience thou damned and luxurious mountain goat," Arthur hissed, glaring at Merlin.

"You art likest to a hogs head!" Merlin pulled viciously at the fork, he needed coffee for this.

"Go shake your ears!"

Merlin gasped.

"You loggerhead!"

"Thou odiferous fen-sucked fustilarian!" Ow, there was no need for Arthur to go after the way Merlin smelled, he hadn't showered yet.

"Thou surly beef witted lout!"

"Thou mangled pottle-deep barnacle!" Arthur yelled.

"Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes."

"Thou dissembling toad-spotted nut-hook!"

"Get thee to a nunnery!" Okay, so maybe calling Arthur a whore in Shakespearean over a pancake was a bit much, but Merlin didn't particularly care at this point.

"Weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain," Arthur hissed, glaring heatedly.

"Rogue, thou hast liv'd too long!" Merlin raised his fork, wielding it like a sword.

"Go thou and fill another room in hell." Arthur pushed up from the table, reaching for his own fork still stuck in the pancake.

"Thou warped dizzy-eyed giglet!" Merlin yelled as he assumed an en gaurde position.

"Thou haught insulting man." He brandished his own fork.

"Thou art a very superficial, ignorant, unweighing fellow," Merlin cockily hissed at Arthur as their fork-swords clashed.

"I will chastise this high minded strumpet," Arthur smirked, stepping around the table.

"I shall slay thy ego, King Urinal." The smirk on Merlin's face may just last forever. Seeing as that was Arthur's favorite insult, he couldn't believe the other man had forgotten it. Their dueling forks momentarily forgotten.

"Away, you three inch fool." Arthur moved even closer to Merlin, trying to tower over him.

"Thou artless pottle-deep bugbear!" The heat was gone from Merlin's voice, Arthur's proximity making it harder for him to concentrate on why they were insulting each other in Shakespeare.

"You soft and dull eyed fool," Arthur said softly, smiling at the paler man.

"No word to save thee?" Merlin gently smirked back at Arthur, feeling himself being pushed against the table.

"You kiss by the book, O most insatiate and luxurious woman." Arthur arched a golden brow and if that wasn't a challenge, nothing was. Arthur smirked, waiting to see what Merlin would do next.

"You ratcatcher," Merlin whispered, leaning in to capture Arthur's mouth.

"More of your conversation would infect my brain," Arthur murmured, pressing his advantage before Merlin could retort. Unfortunately for Arthur, Merlin wouldn't let him get away with it.

"Pray you, stand farther from me," Merlin dipped his head to hide his smirk from his lover. The horrified expression Arthur wore would just be too much.

"You, minion, are too saucy...wait I already used that one." Arthur frowned, trying to think of another insult.

The dam burst and Merlin couldn't help going into hysterics over the fact that they were insulting each other, in Shakespearean, over a pancake they had complete forgotten about. Arthur laughed with him, pulling Merlin closer.

Merlin giggled against Arthur's mouth as he hoisted him up on the table, even looking Arthur in the face would result in another bout of laughter. Arthur continued to laugh with him as he kissed his way down Merlin's neck.

"I think we need more rest before we start speaking like Shakespeare again," but the twinkle in Arthur's eye betrayed his real intentions.

"That's a _wonderful_ idea," Merlin purred as he was dragged back to their bedroom.

** [Exeunt.]**


End file.
